I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
