they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
