are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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