It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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