You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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