Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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