My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
