the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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