Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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