It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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