If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
