Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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