Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
