the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
