Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
