my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
