discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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