my room smells like sperm. sweet.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
