I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i need some magic done to my vagina
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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