My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
