i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
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