Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
