She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
