I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
