we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
