Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
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He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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