I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
