kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
