So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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