He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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