I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
