Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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