I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
