Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
