I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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