She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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