You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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