Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
