Pants 0. Shit 1.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What a dumb baby whore.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
