Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
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Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
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Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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