He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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