we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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