I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
