Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
