did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
