Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
