It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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