I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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