I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
