apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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