Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
