Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
