I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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