its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
