omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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