At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
