I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
