i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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