I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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