He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
