OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
