i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
