no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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