dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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