At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
