We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
