When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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