your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
