so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
