Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
