Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
