It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
