Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
