I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
