wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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