I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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