I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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