Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize