I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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