I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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