one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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