I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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