JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
