I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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