When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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