wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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