Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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